Jan. 28,2010

Nathen was right as usual I should have been listening to music all along. It helps me relax and get things done. Might even get some of the house cleaned today.

Nice little mix from Elvis, Savage Garden, Evanesence to Merle. It keeps me calm. Helps calm my brain. It has a tendancy to get ahead of me and then the panic attacks start. Maybe I need to make this part of my therapy everyday. I feel like I've lost who I am and I don't like that. I want to be able to enjoy my time with the kids and Nathen, but I can't all I seem to want to do is sleep. Well sort of sleep I lay on the couch with my eyes closed and want to be left alone. I don't sleep in the day I'm still not sleeping of a night I wish they could figure out what is wrong with me. I've tried the ambien but I still wake up constantly. I'm not sure what to do. Thank goodness for this blog. I need to get back into venting each day cause my head goes faster than I can write so typing is best. Done for now.

New Day

It's a new day and I'm going to start over today. I'm keeping good track of what is coming in but not so well on the exercise. I'm going to feel better. That is my goal. Goal#1 is drop a jean size. I just want to take small steps until I hit the final goal.

I will do this. Now that's a better attitude.
I wasn't able to all of Jillian's dvd. My asthma hit hard had to stop for awhile.

New Year

Well it's a new year. I always say I'm going to get in shape and start eating right. Well I started early this time. I've changed how I eat by adding more of what I need and less of what I don't.
I workout 3 days a week with a pilates and yoga dvd. It's already made my back feel better. Definitly more flexible.
Maybe even a little better outlook on things.
I still can't handle crowds, and sometimes I'm still afraid to go outside. The doctor gave me some new medicine to try and see if it helps better. We will just have to wait and see.